I love the weather outside. All cloudy and gray. Im all snug inside my small house and happy about it too. A perfect day to relax and get things done.

I haven’t written much lately because I just don’t know what to say i suppose. I feel much happier and when i am there is simply not a ton to say I guess.

I would really love to meet a girl. A pretty one like me. Someone intelligent and funny. I feel like a man saying that. But really it would so nice and I would treat her with such respect and give her so much pleasure. I’m not asking a lot. When I turn 21 I think I will go to a bar to look for one perhaps.

If anyone is reading this, would you please recommend a few good books for me to read? I never know what to start on. Anything will do. Just let me know.

I think I will add a few poems today again because I have had such a hard time of thinking of anything to put in here. See, when Im not depressed I am no good for writing!

Im just gonna start putting my rants from paper on to here ok? (This is from a few years ago I just came across it)

I simply can’t believe that little girl is me. Underneath those dark eyes and undone hair is a real person. It’s me. I am the only one inside. It strikes me as a profound thought. I am the only one who knows what I truly am. I am just coming into my own skin, becoming a human. I feel like I just awoke yesterday into this world. Yet I know too much and it gets me down. I can’t figure out what it is about everybody else that disturbs me. They sometimes scare me or make me feel unspecial or something. When I was with Paul that didn’t happen. I was never alone. He gave me so much attention. I want another boy like that, except I would do things right this time. What is the big hurry though? Its silly to want to be married and all that junk. What am I saying. Its all I want! LAME!!! Why can’t I dream and be real??? That is what is all about for me. It is my dream.... so pinch me. ( age 17 )

That made me laugh now... I got married... and now I wonder why I wanted all this sooo badly!

BODY ICON

Just a picture

merely me

what you see is to easy

fuzzy image

hides inside

simple icon

locked up mind

open up

free the doors

destroy the surface

eat the core

JUSTIFY

Because Im tired, lonely, sad

Because down deep I know I’m bad

Because no one ever loved me quite enough

Because life’s always been so tough

Because I don’t have what I deserve

Because my statements are never heard

Because there’s too much fear inside

Because so many have already died

Because for evil there is no cure

Because there is no such thing as pure

Because all I can believe in is me

Because I only want to be free

Because ignorance is bliss

Because... I can’t go on like this