Well things are looking up for me it seems. I spoke to my husband, Andrew, and we are starting to figure our shit out I guess.

We have realized that we are having problems because of certain habits that we have each individually fallen into. I have an attitude with him most often because I feel like his mother. I take care of him like he is a little boy. And then I feel angry because I don’t feel like I have a partner. I told him I want him to take more initiative with me. Tell me what is expected. I have no one to tell me what to do, I need to be parented by him a bit. I think we had a really great talk. It started out rocky but it improved and then we went and had wonderful sex.

We tried out the roll playing thing. I pretended to be his niece, my idea. He told me after that it wasn’t so great for him and that he loses interest after foreplay. I liked it. But of course I’m always the one who likes to "play" in bed.

We have been toying with the idea of swinging. I am so curious to try it but Andrew is more reserved. That’s ok with me. I would never push him into trying something that he wasn’t comfortable with. He couldn’t deal with seeing me get fucked by another man. Jealousy and all that. I think I would enjoy it but only if I knew he loved it too. He says so far what we have done is enough for him, seeing me with girls is his favorite.

For me, I just think it is way to hard to meet a nice, well rounded girl who is single. All the good woman are attached to a guy. Single woman are looking for a relationship. I would even be willing to be intimate in a relationship if I found the right girl. If Andrew loved her too and she was our soul mate then yeah, I would be astatic. But that is a pipe dream I have decided.

And besides, three is a crowd, right?

I have made a decision to quit smoking and to only drink on the weekends. I started to exercise too and hope I can lose all the baby weight by the end of the year possibly. That would rock.

I’m sick of the person I have become. So lazy and mopey all the time. I look forward to starting fresh.